NOTE TO SELF: Stop the Hypocrisy!

Dear Greg,

I've been convicted regarding the issue of Hypocrisy. Well, fine. I've been convicted of hypocrisy.

But it just feels so good, doesn't it? I mean, who cares if you'll be counted last... you can worry about that later. But for now, you'll be first in everyone's eyes. All the glory, all the attention! It's all you boy.

So anyway, here's what you gotta keep doing to make people think you're all spiritual and stuff.

1. When praying in a group, make sure you recite what you're gonna say in your head first. Don't even listen to what other people are praying... how you say your prayer is more important. You want to make sure your prayer sounds all flowery and filled with Christianese jargon. Then people will say, "Wow, he's so holy! He must talk to God like that all the time!"

2. When you're worshiping, make it look like you're all into it even when you're not. If you're sleepy or distracted by random thoughts, you can always close your eyes and have that constipated look on your face. People will really think you're so in love with God!

3. If everyone's standing during worship, sit down. If everyone's sitting down, stand up. Trust me, it'll make you stand out.

4. When you know that there's gonna be some testimony time, like sharing around the campfire at retreats, make sure you do extra good deeds for people and act more holy than usual so that you'll get your name mentioned in front of everyone. The more people who mention you, the better.

5. When you're on a streak and doing more quiet times than usual, make it a point that people know about it. Be subtle. You can say things like "When I was reading my Bible early this morning...", or "You know, Jesus says in Matthew 8 that..." People will think you ALWAYS read the Bible!

6. Make sure everyone at church knows about all the ministry opportunities you get. It'll make you seem like you're in demand, and then MORE opportunities will be coming your way!

7. Keep yourself really busy with lots of ministry. Even though it's not true AT ALL, it'll make you feel like you're important because you're doing all these "important" things for God. Then you can complain and say to people "Man, I have SO much stuff I need to do- Small groups, bible study, so and so wants to talk to me about stuff..." and so on. People always think that the more you do, the holier you are. Actually, they don't. Keep thinking it though.

8. Exaggerate. Exaggerating a little bit won't hurt. In fact, it'll make you seem so much more than you are. If one person compliments you, you can say to other people, "A few people have told me that I..." And if a couple people compliment you, you can say things like, "All these people say" or "SO many people think I'm..." They'll never know how many people actually said those things.

So anyway, keep it up. Keep running for first. Sure Jesus says, the first will be last, and the last will be first. But what does that mean anyway?

Insincerely,

Greg